What Does "Get Your Pink Back" Mean?

So, it turns out that flamingos—which, drumroll, are pink—lose their color after they have babies (both mom and dad flamingos, in fact). Baby flamingos (also known as chicklets!) drain the vitality right from their tired parents’ feathers—Mother Nature’s way of making the invisible load seen. While it takes time, their pink eventually returns. And that is a motherhood metaphor that I know all too well (Taylor’s version). It takes TIME to feel anything like yourself again after adding a baby to your life.

Is it Normal to Feel My Pink Fade?

Yep, and we’re in good company. It was influencer and entrepreneur Lindsey Gurk who brought postpartum flamingos to the social media zeitgeist with Get Your Pink Back, which was amplified by the one-and-only Kylie Kelce in a Not Gonna Lie podcast interview with content creator Allison Kuch. I was lucky to hear that interview just when my third baby crossed the three-month threshold as I emerged from my own fourth-trimester haze. It was the timeliest reminder that this funk I felt was both normal and temporary.

From the minute the pregnancy test turns, ahem, pink (or whatever), our expectations of motherhood are rose-colored and blissful. But then... hello baby blues. It is well-documented that an astounding 85% of moms experience symptoms of what can even feel like depression during the first weeks following birth.

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A little bit of baby blues are perfectly normal!

“Moms with the baby blues might feel more anxious, fearful, and even sad as a result of hormonal shifts combined with the enormous changes that are happening in their lives,” says Hilary Waller, LPC, a psychotherapist specializing in reproductive mental health. “These symptoms happen at a fairly predictable time in the postpartum period and typically resolve with sleep, good nutrition, sometimes a good cry, and lots of support from loved ones. 

But, she adds, "If the symptoms aren’t letting up after a few weeks, it’s important to reach out to a maternal mental health professional.” (More on that to come) 

Even when the baby blues subside, it can take time to find your footing as your identity expands to include "Mom." But there are steps you can take towards finding a new normal and learning to balance motherhood and self.

Practical Steps to Get Your Pink Back

1. Remember this is Temporary

Well, motherhood isn’t, but the postpartum period is. As hard as it is to envision, cries become smiles, diapers give way to potties, milk transitions to solids, and sleep (eventually) enters the chat. When you're in the trenches, I dare you to utter cliches like “this too shall pass” and “the days are long, the years are short.” They are truisms for a reason, and knowing that this isn’t forever can make the toughest times tolerable.

2. Try to Get Out of the House

When I had my oldest, leaving the house felt insurmountable, but staying home felt isolating. A veteran mom friend told me that on her maternity leave she planned one thing to do outside of the house every day. So I set my own goal of an outing a day with my new baby, which helped restore a sense of normalcy. The structure of leaving with a baby in tow also built my muscle memory of what it took to get out the door, even if it was just to grab coffee.

As I gained confidence, I found my way to local trails, lunch dates, and museums (seriously, art museums are made for strolling with a baby—endless hallways, air conditioning, pretty things to look at). Start small, but stay the course. 

3. Hand Over the Baby

The first time I left my son with a real babysitter was to get a manicure across the street. I rambled an absurd amount of instructions before my hour-long excursion. Within 10 minutes I received a photo of him napping soundly. What? I had pictured the two of them white-knuckling it without me. It was almost insulting…but also liberating?

Apparently my kid could be okay in the care of others. It’s something I continue to remind myself at each drop-off playdate or new camp session, and it feels awesome seeing them thrive in the world beyond my reach. So consider a sitter and use that time to reconnect with your partner, your nails, or just yourself. Mom self-care is important!

4. Exercise

This may be the most annoying suggestion ever, but endorphins are real. Once your doctor gives you the green light, consider moving to get at those happy hormones. Run up and down the stairs, use your baby as a medicine ball, or browse our local recommendations for stroller-friendly trails. Lots of cities even have workout groups for new parents (check out Fit4Mom).

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Finding your mom tribe will make you feel less alone. 

5. Join Mom Groups

They exist for a reason. True, it can be totally intimidating to make mom friends, especially for the introverts among us (it’s me, hi). But it’s so validating to commiserate with another overwhelmed mom who is awake at 3am. And there are a lot of us! You can seek out mom groups and meet-ups on your local Mommy Poppins site. 

6. Release Guilt Around Work

Mom guilt in general needs to take a hike, and nowhere is this more fraught than in the context of work. Whether returning to an office or staying at home, many moms encounter guilt or indecision surrounding work-life balance in new motherhood.

After my first was born, work was quite literally where I found my pink again, as it was the only part of my life where nothing had changed (for better or worse). The total opposite happened when my second came along, and I followed that pink towards opportunities that allowed me to stay home. However your professional identity evolves post-baby, release the guilt and embrace whatever makes you feel like you. 

7. Set Realistic Expectations and Don’t Compare

There’s a whole social media movement of mothers sharing how they got their pink back. Peruse it to normalize how hard this chapter is, but try not to compare. Don’t let one mother’s pink make you feel bad about your pink (or lack thereof). There is no set timeline for feeling like yourself again after having a baby, and it’s certainly not a straight line. Gift yourself compassion and patience as your world and identity evolve.

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Don't be afraid to ask for a helping hand!

8. Ask for Help

While some paling pink and baby blues are par for the postpartum course, approximately 21% of women also suffer from clinical postpartum mood disorders that are treatable with the right support. Because it can feel tricky to differentiate normal motherhood overwhelm from something more serious, Waller advises, “If you don’t like how you are feeling emotionally at any time during the first postpartum year, reach out for help. You may or may not need treatment, but there is absolutely no reason for new parents to suffer from uncertainty about whether they are okay. All new parents need and are entitled to support."

Therapy and medication were essential in overcoming my own experience with postpartum anxiety and OCD in the months following my first birth, which enabled me to preemptively set up support in advance of my subsequent deliveries. Your OBGYN, primary care physician, and pediatrician are all great resources for connecting you with mental health professionals. You can also find local social and professional support, including free online groups, through Postpartum Support International. 

9. Remember - You've Got This!

Regardless of when you find your pink, take comfort in the solidarity of so many moms (even avian, evidently) having this shared experience. And at least we're not actually flamingos, sleeping while standing and balancing everything on one teetering leg. Oh, wait...